Reb says, "Now teach me how to cook a turkey."
That's the easiest thing in the whole wide world!
Thaw him in the fridge. Then take him from his packaging and rinse him all over and dry him and salt his cavities. Then heat up the oven to 325. Get out your roasting pan. Now salt him on his top side and his bottom side. Start him with his breast side down for half the time. Then turn him over and finish baking him.